Dreaming

I'm dreaming about my future, but I'm not dreaming about strolling between two rows of pews as crowds of people stare at me. My dreams don't have a white dress or a rental car or a House Beautiful magazine. They're not populated by some love-of-my-life and love-of-my-life-junior.

I'm dreaming about an orphanage in Haiti. It's run by two old ladies who are staring death in the face. They've given all of their time to their work, and they've nearly starved many times. They've built a high wall to keep predators away from the kids. They're worn out, and they need my help.

My dream is full of joy. My kids-of-the-future are happy, because they've never been to a Walmart toy aisle. They've never watched T.V. commercials, or taken fried food out of a drive-thru window two minutes after ordering it. Their lives are hot, dirty, and poor, but they've never experienced anything else.

I'm going to ship all my books to Haiti. I have shelves and shelves of kids' books- I'll collect more, too. I'll sit down with my squirmy kids and teach them to read in French and English so that if they want to go to America, or any other country when they get older, they can. I'll read all the stories my mom read to me- about Ramona and Anne Shirley, Bilbo Baggins, Harvey Cheyne. I'll do all the voices, and the little ones will sit on my lap, hanging onto every word, and the older ones will pretend not to be listening.

I'm going to make things with them- useful things like crutches for lame people, and bread for starving people. We'll go out in a big group and give them away, and tell those people how they can find hope in Jesus, even in the middle of their darkness.

We'll have birthday parties and spiritual birthday parties, even if we never have any presents. We'll celebrate every holiday together and make our own crazy traditions. We'll pray together every night and write down the things we learned about God and the things we're thankful for on a huge chalkboard.

I know, it won't be just like that. I'll get a disease, my kids will get diseases, and I'm not a nurse. I'm not a mother, I don't know how to deal with disrespect and disobedience. I'm not prepared to watch people suffering in a place where crime has no consequences and most little girls get raped by age 8 (according to a missionary I spoke to, who's been there for years). I can think I'll rescue kids and make a huge difference in their lives, but that may not happen. They may never get saved- they may die. I can say "I want to go to Haiti, God" but I may hear a "No."

It's just a dream. Those girls who dream about a perfect home populated by love-of-my-life and love-of-my-life-junior- they're not realistic, either. They're as naïve as little girls playing bride with dress-up dresses.

A bunch of happy kids in an orphanage in Haiti- that's my perfect dress. That's my white house with a picket fence.