Renewal of Vows

I'm terrible, just terrible. I'm sorry. I broke my promise, and I broke your heart.

After affirming that I would be here every Tuesday, for the rest of my life... I left you. For two weeks. Two long, lonely weeks. You scanned Google daily, searching in vain for my scintillating thoughts. The empty space where the posts for March 31 and April 7 should have been stabbed into your eyeballs like a knife.

I would walk down an aisle and renew my vows just to show you how sorry I am.

I feel like I should start over. Delete all my former posts, write "I will be here every Tuesday, for the rest of my life," and ACTUALLY KEEP MY PROMISE.

The thing is, I'm not perfect. I start a lot of things hoping to be consistent and fail. In the past I've consistently given up on them. I'm not going to do that this time- with either of my blogs.

I know this isn't a great blog. It's just my thoughts, and I'm not that intelligent, knowledgeable or witty. Still, it is actually and absolutely one of the best things in my life. Writing makes me so happy somehow. It's just pure relief.

So, why did I skip two weeks? Well, honestly... I haven't been happy lately. I've been struggling with the chore of getting around without a car, relationships, the grade I'm getting for one of the classes I'm taking right now... I go to work and people tell me that I never smile, and I don't want to fake smile because THAT'S SO FAKE. I'm tempted to wear a smiling clown mask so they'll leave me alone about it. I listen to audiobooks, which helps, but has the side effect of making me antisocial and guilty over being antisocial. People get tired of watching me move my headphones off my ears as I ask them to repeat what they said. They quit talking to me. Then I think that no one wants to talk to me. If I were rational I would think about the fact that it's my own fault. If you're a guy reading this, do you realize that girls actually know how irrational they are? Because they do.

Also, there's one person I work with (not drama king) who says nothing but negative things to me. And don't tell me not to take things personally because I just took it personally that you told me not to take things personally. What, you think I take things personally too much??

I've been pretty depressed. If I had written my weekly posts, they probably would have said:

March 31, 2015
Life is pointless.

April 7, 2015
Everybody hates me.

The truth is that I would have written LIES. Now, you wouldn't want me to get on here and tell you lies, would you? God says not to tell lies and so THAT SUPERSEDES ANY PROMISE I MAY HAVE MADE.

The good news is that I have a plan of action for Future Depressed Tuesdays. It's this:

1. Get on blogger NO MATTER HOW I FEEL
2. Write a story that is completely unrelated to me
3. Make people smile or maybe even laugh
4. Feel better myself and be free of Skip-Blog Guilt, Fakeness, AND Lies (WIN-WIN)

Do I promise to be here every Tuesday, for better or for worse, till death do part my blog and me?

I do.